Parenting Guest Articles

There are some excellent articles and information out there that ring true with my parenting philosophy and also add new and exciting points of view to topics old and new.  This page has been created to highlight some of those great posts; some written by Sassy Parents site members and other’s by friends.  All by the experts we respect the most; parents, guardians and carers.

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Sassy Guest Contents

Are You Raising Sexist Children? – Angie Parker

There Are Ways To Discipline A Child Other Than Smacking – Justine Bailey

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Are You Raising Sexist Children?

Last modified on 2010-11-26 11:47:17 GMT. 12 comments. Top.

Simone de Beauvoir was a French philosopher, novelist, feminist, political commentator, occasionally a political activist and a social constructivist (Hutchings, 2009 p. 66). Simone de Beauvoir helped develop the French phenomenological philosophy of Existentialism. She is also well known for her book The Second Sex (1949), in which she states that women are seen as the second se x, or second class to men. She talks about how women are born females but become women through society conforming them to behave, talk, live and look the way society wants a woman to be. This is where the statement, ‘one is not born a woman, one becomes one’ comes into play.

By being aware of the situation we can prepare our children for adulthood. The reason I bring up Simone is because she inspired me to see things differently.

By stating that the feminine disposition applied to women are socially constructed and not determined by a woman’s biology, Simone de Beauvoir claims that females become feminine; they are not necessarily that way from birth.

I am not saying mothers should not breastfeed or stay at home to look after their kids… I am saying the choice should be there are… not societies.

And what about the dads?

If they want to stay home with their children they should be able to? Society goes on about drop-kick dads… but when a man wants to stay home with his kids he is frowned upon? can anyone win?

Simone claims that the term female describes the biological category and the term woman describes the existential (how they are perceived by others) category. In other words, sex is linked to biology and gender is linked to social. She rejects the idea that biology can create a natural hierarchy between the sexes and claims that biology should not create a fixed destiny for women. Nor does biology explain the inequalities that women face. She and I believe that a ‘society characterized by patriarchal gender relations’ is the cause of females being oppressed as the second sex. (Buikema & van der Tuin, 2009 p. 2)

Patriarchy is a social system where the male gender group dominate the female gender group, oppressing them much like the way colonialist oppressed the indigenous people into slavery, keeping them in their place; a place that is constructed by the so called dominant male class (Darroch, 2008 vol. 22 pp. 368-383). A patriarchal society is run with male dominance, with male figures as heads of state, heads of the household or in positions of authority. Leaving women exploited into doing jobs that men see as beneath them (Johnson, 2005 p.5).

In Australia there were only 2 female judges in the high court up until 2006, and there has yet to be a female prime minister (Bessant & Watts, 2007 p.218). The way women are treated, the inequality they face comes from being oppressed, not from being biologically inferior. Humans have been referred to as ‘mankind’ in the past shows that women are seen as the ‘other’.

I do not want my daughter to face this inequality blinded by the truth!

Simone de Beauvoir argues that because men and women both exist, the notion of women being seen as the ‘other’ needs to be overturned.  She claims that biological facts surrounding gender do not explain why woman is seen as the other nor do biological facts as Simone de Beauvoir said: ‘…condemn her to remain in this subordinate role forever” (de Beauvoir cited in Hutchings, 2009, p.72).

Gendered roles play a huge part in determining the destiny of a woman or a man. Gender roles are seen in most cultures. Women have long been seen as the gender that stays home and is the main child carer. This role does not have to be done by women with the introduction of formula feeding; males can just as easily care for an infant. But it is still seen as socially acceptable for it to be “woman’s work” to take care of infants. According to the ABS “less than one percent of the Australian labour force are male carers.” This shows that a massive 99% of carers are female (Australian Bureau of Statistics, Labour Force, 6 Sept 2007 cited in Vernon, 2007). This shows that it is a social norm or stereotype for women to become child carers/ mothers. Social norms, stereotypes and gender-behavioural expectations are products of social structures; put in place to ensure that some level of social order is attainable.

Sociologist, Sylvia Walby (1990) claims that there are 6 separate structures that are shared and entangled to construct the secondary status that seems to apply to women. These structures are: state, paid work, household production, male violence, sexuality and culture (Germov & Poole, 2007 pp. 247-248). These structures appear to be the key factors of the predetermined destiny for women, in which ‘se x and gender were products of what a particular society said a women and man ought to be’ (Bessant & Watts 2007, p.215). Thus what Simone de Beauvoir is arguing by saying that ‘one is not born a woman, one becomes one’ is that gender is entirely a product of social interactions, social expectations and cultural norms and rules. But, it cannot be ignored that women are built differently to men, thus will have different gender/se x roles and identities.

A bio-determinist view on gender would argue that the gender aspect of identity is predetermined by hormones, se x organs, chromosomes and genes. Different sexes behave differently because of their hormones or chromosomes. Male physiology is the cause for male strength, aggression, masculinity and behaviours and female physiology is responsible for female maternal instincts, femininity and emotional weaknesses. As said by Professor of Biology and Gender Studies at Brown University, Anne Fausto-Sterling ‘women’s lack of aggressive drive and native ability ensures they will always earn less…’(Fausto-Sterling, 2003 p.123). Biologist might also use the example of animals and how they have gender based roles that are inherent. For example, the mothering of a litter of kittens is left to the mother cat to take care of, this role is not something males cats force on the female cats, the female cats just do it because that is how they are ‘hard-wired’. Thus showing that, biology can play a part in creating gender roles.

So what are your views on gender and social constructivism? Do you allow your children freedom in choice?

Not everyone will agree but history has shown that the patriarchy social system puts women into a second class category. By being aware of this we can teach the future generation (our children’s) that is not the way it is meant to be.

Whilst biology can account for the physiological differences between men and women, it cannot account for the inequalities that women and men face. Biology does not account for the patriarchal order that oppresses women into subordinate roles.

As Simone de Beauvoir stated, ‘biology should not create a fixed destiny for women’. I want to raise my children to accept people as people and not as a gender.

References:

Bessant, Judith & Rob Watts, 2007, Sociology Australia, 3rd, Allen & Unwin, Crows Nest.

Buikema, Rosemarie & Iris van der Tuin, 2009, Doing Gender in Media, Art and Culture, Routledge, Hoboken.

Darroch, Fiona, 2008, Book Reviews in Literature & Theology, Vol. 22. No. 3, Oxford University Press, pp. 368 – 383

Deutscher, Penelope, 2008, The philosophy of Simone de Beauvoir: Ambiguity, Conversion, Resistance, Cambridge University Press, Leiden.

Fausto-Sterling, Anne, 2003, Debating Biology: Sociology Reflections on Health, Medicine and Society, ed.Simon Williams, Lynda Burke & Gillian Bendelow, Routledge, London.

Germov, John & Marilyn Poole, 2007, Public Sociology, Allen & Unwin, Crows Nest. Hutchings, K, 2009, Critical Theorist & International Relations, eds Edkins, Jenny Vayghan-Williams, Nick Routledge, Hoboken.

Johnson, Allen G, 2005, The Gender Knot: unravelling our patriarchal legacy, Temple University Press, Philadelphia.

Vernon, David, 2007, ‘Australian Bureau of Statistics, Labour Force, 6 Sept 2007’ cited in Stay at Home Dads Struggle with Empathy, viewed 30 Oct 2009, http://www.naturalparenting.com.au/flex/fathers-and-fatherhood/7974/stay.cfm

© 2010 Article created by Angela Parker – All Rights Reserved

(Thank you Angie for your permission to post this excellent article, Angie is the creator of My ParentBook).

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There Are Ways To Discipline A Child Other Than Smacking.

Last modified on 2010-11-26 11:45:33 GMT. 9 comments. Top.

I know this is a controversial subject and I am not writing it to start any arguments but to give parents other alternatives to smacking.  Let me start by saying, I am not perfect, I don’t have perfect children and parenting is one of the hardest jobs in the world.

One thing I feel strongly about is the fact that I don’t smack my children. I feel my kids could never do anything so bad that would make me want to smack them. To me smacking them for misbehaving or hurting someone else would not be teaching them anything. There are other ways to discipline a child, from time out to removing their favourite toy for a period of time. I will cover these more in depth further on. I have found with Josh it is as simple as saying, “that upsets mummy.”

I strongly disagree with anyone using a weapon on a child, to some people it may just be a wooden spoon but to a child on the receiving end it is a weapon. Most of the time a parent smacks a child to relieve their own frustrations, which in itself is completely wrong because if you are frustrated you tend to smack harder.

There are so many things you could do if you become frustrated on a particularly bad day.

Walk away and count to 10, in those 10 seconds of removing yourself things may not look so bad. If that doesn’t work remove yourself for a few minutes, go into another room and keep yourself busy. Most of the time you will find that the frustration passes and you will be calmer. Afternoons are particularly trying in our house due to the fact that we are up by 7am and I have an almost 4 year old that hasn’t had a day sleep in about 2 years. So everyone is a little tired.   I have found if the kids are bored then they tend to play up and get into all sorts of trouble, so if the weather permits, take them outside for a run around. Trust me, you will have happier kids.

Positive attention goes a long way as well.

If you spend the whole day yelling at the kids then they will just expect that they are going to get yelled out regardless or whether they are behaving. I have found that just spending time playing with the kids with their toys there is less fighting which in turns means less yelling from mummy.

Other ways you can discipline a child would be Time Outs.

Ever since Super Nanny became popular all those years ago time out is something everyone uses. Depending on how old your child is you sit them away from everyone else for a set amount of time. E.g. A 3 year old would sit in time out for 3 minutes and a 4 year old for 4 minutes. After the set amount of time you would then make them apologise for their behaviour. We have found removing toys has also worked well in our house. If they are misbehaving warn them that if they continue then they will loose a certain toy for the remainder of the day. I find if I have to remove a toy, I keep it in view but out of reach. In doing this Josh realises the consequences of his actions.

Always give positive praise when you child is behaving.

If your child has been playing nicely for a while and you haven’t had to use your mummy voice then praise them for it. Tell them how proud you are. If Josh is having a particularly good day I will tell him at least 3 times that day how proud I am of him. At the end of the day when Josh and I are having a cuddle before bed we will talk about how good or bad he has been that day. We always end the day with an I Love You.

Another idea is a rewards chart.

Have the days of the week and at the end of the day you and your child will decide if they have been good enough for a sticker. This is also a good time to have a talk if it has been a bad day and work out ways of how tomorrow will be a better day. After 7 stickers or a full weeks worth of stickers they get their reward which could be as simple as getting to watch their favourite DVD to a toy that they really want.

And finally, choose your battles.

Ignore the small things. If you have said not to something and your child is still asking or throwing a tantrum, just walk away.   Hopefully with all this information you may think twice next time you get frustrated with your children. In saying all of this, when I say smacking I don’t mean a light tap on the hand when you little angel/devil decides to stick a  flat instrument into an electrical socket. But in my opinion smacking a child never teaches them anything other than to be scared of the ones that are there to protect them.

Thanks for reading.

© 2010 Justin Bailey – Loving Mum of 2

(Thank you Juzzy, I have always loved the way you tackled this subject so diplomatically and clearly).

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